A Woman of Conviction Ch 19
Chapter 19
BPOV
Edward has taken the
boys down to the local park since it’s nice out for mid-November. I’m sitting
at my computer, staring at Charlie’s card.
I should be looking into
the discrepancy that Heidi and I ran into when it came to fan base numbers. I
also want to ask Edward about what he thinks about funding a center for single
parents to help with childcare and education. I want to look up what it would
take and have a good pitch before presenting him with the idea. All this I
should be doing, but instead I’m wondering if I should call Charlie and have
lunch with him.
Fuck, I need to start
planning Lucian’s birthday that’s coming up in December.
The file Edward gave me
is sitting on the desk, also taunting me, but I really want to hear it from
Charlie. And for me to hear it from him, I have to call him and set up a day to
have lunch. Fuck me.
I pick up my phone and
smile at the picture that I have for my lock screen; it's all of us at Jasper
and Alice’s for a cookout last weekend. We make such a good family.
I dial the number. The
nerves are going to give me prematurely grey hairs or an ulcer.
“Charlie Swan,” his guff
voice answers on the third ring.
“Charlie, it’s Bella.”
I’m sure he can hear the anxiousness in my voice.
“Bella, hi, how are
you?” he rushes out as if I’m going to hang up at any second. Maybe I will.
“I’m okay. Listen, I was
wondering if you were free this week to do lunch?”
I hear him rustling
around. “I’m free Monday, and I’ll be in Seattle around one, will that be
okay?”
I bring up Monday’s
calendar. “Yes, I can do that. There’s a deli not far from the building where I
work, it’s called Hitchcock Deli.”
“Alright, I’ll see you
there on Monday and I will answer everything, or whatever you want to know.”
His voice is uneasy.
“Bye, Charlie.”
“Bye, Bella, I love
you.”
I hang up without
responding, staring at the phone. He said he loves me. I just— how the hell am
I supposed to feel about that? Minutes pass by as everything just sits with me.
“MOM!” Maybe it was
hours. I leave the office and see my three best guys smiling and all sweaty.
“Wow, it smells so manly
in here,” I joke, and all three of them scowl.
“Did you get everything
done that you wanted to?” Edward takes off his sweater. I watch, wishing it was
in slow motion.
“I made the call, that
was about it.” I walk over and peck his lips, breathing in all his manly sweat.
“Mom, I think I’m going
to need contacts.” Lucian pushes his glasses up his nose.
“Why do you say that?” I
ask him, picking up sweaters off the floor and avoiding my feelings.
“When I was trying to
dribble the ball, my glasses kept falling off.”
“Okay, baby, we’ll look
into it.” I run my hand through his hair. “Now you boys get cleaned up, I was
thinking maybe we could go out to eat somewhere.”
Damon fist pumps and
runs off down to his room. Lucian smiles at me, then walks away, too.
I feel Edward’s arms
wrap around my waist. “How did the phone call go?”
I lean back into him,
taking him all in; he’s better than a Xanax. “We’re having lunch Monday at
Hitchcock Deli down the street from your building.”
“Why do I feel like
there’s something else?”
How does he do that? “He
ended the phone call saying he loved me.” He hums, and I continue. “It really
makes me angry, Edward, how dare he say those words to me.” I wipe the tears
that begin to fall away so the boys won’t see them.
I hear him let out what
I think is a growl. “I’m sorry, baby, after dinner and the kids go to bed we
can discuss it further, or maybe...” He turns so I’m facing him, and he has a
devious smile on his face, making him look like a big kid.
“Or maybe what, stud?” I
play into his game, rubbing my hands up and down his chest while his fingers
wander under my shirt.
“Seriously, I don’t want
to see you making advances at my mom,” Lucian whines, making me drop my hands
in a flash and Edward all but pushes me away from him. Busted!
“Your brother about
ready?” I change the subject.
“Yeah, he’s just trying
to find his shoes.” Lucian narrows his eyes at me, then on Edward.
“Alright, you’re ten and
I’m an adult, we weren’t doing anything inappropriate in front of you.” I walk
to the kitchen to gather up my purse.
“Where are we going?”
Damon asks me.
“I think we should go to
MOD Pizza.” Everyone agrees with me.
*AWOC*
I’m sitting at the deli
fifteen minutes before Charlie is due to arrive. Edward offered to come with
me, but I knew he had a lot of things he needed to take care of.
I hear the door chime
that a new customer is coming in. I look up and there he is, wearing a grey
Chief of Police hoodie. My father, in a hoodie. He’s in jeans and his work
boots and his trucker hat. He stands near the door awkwardly looking around
until he spots me in the corner and walks over.
I keep my eyes on my
hands that are holding a cup of hot chocolate.
“Hey,” he greets me.
I finally look at him
and nod my head. I’m too scared to use my voice right now. I wait to see if
he’ll start talking or if I’ll have to use my voice.
“I’m five years sober.”
I wait for him to
continue.
“When your mother
passed, I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know how to raise you
without your mother, and I picked up drinking. At first it was just six-packs,
then it moved to twelve, then twenty-four. When beer wasn’t enough I started
buying whiskey. The few moments that I was sober I could see that I was messing
up as your father. Then you came home pregnant at fourteen, and I just drank
more. I hid the DUIs and drunk and disorderlies pretty easily since I was
chief.” Tears spill down his cheeks.
“I stopped caring about
anything that wasn’t my job or alcohol. I remember helping you with the boys.
But I went through withdrawals so bad, when you graduated I didn’t want to
worry about you or the boys anymore. I just wanted to drink.” His brown eyes
are sad and regretful. “I honestly don’t remember the day I told you that you
had to move out. I don’t remember kicking you out at all. I know that it was
just a little while after you left that I got in a bad accident and I was given
an ultimatum. I went to a rehab facility and they helped me get clean. I had
one or two slip-ups, but with Sue and my sponsor I’ve been doing pretty good.”
Charlie kicked me out
because he was a drunk. I think back to my childhood; if I’m being honest with
myself, there were all kinds of signs, but I was just a kid, I didn’t know.
I take a shaky breath.
“There would be weeks that I wouldn’t eat because I wanted to make sure that my
kids ate. I went without food, clothes, all to make sure my babies had what
they needed. There were times that my kids ate peanut butter for dinner, and I
had water.” Tears are now falling out of my eyes. “I don’t know if I can ever
truly understand, or forgive you. I wish you would have at least kept my kids,
they didn’t deserve what they got.” I shake my head. “Thank you for
telling me why you kicked me out. I don’t know if I’ll ever reach out again.”
He nods his head, wiping
tears away. “I just want you to know I love you and that has never changed. I
love my grandsons. I hope that someday I can get to know them, and maybe I can
get to know you, also.”
“I can’t guarantee
anything. And I really don’t know how I feel about you.” I get up from the
table and walk away.
Edward is waiting in his
office with his jacket off and his tie loosened. He looks like an angel.
He looks up to find me
staring. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is perfect.”
He gives me his
breathtaking smile.
I know now what we have,
what I feel, is real. “I love you, Edward.”
In the blink of an eye
Edward has me pinned to the door and his lips crash into mine. When we come up
for air, he presses his forehead to mine. “I love you so much. You and the
boys are everything to me. I never thought I would have this kind of happiness
after what Kate did.”
“I didn’t know until
right now that what I was feeling was real,” I confess.
He pecks my lips. “Let’s
get our boys and go out tonight.”
“I love that idea.”
“And later me and you
will talk about what Charlie said to you,” he murmurs against my lips.
“Yes.”
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